David Khachadoorian: The Journey of a Sal-man

A spiritual awakening from my good friend, David. A gift for you this morning. So you can begin to "change your stars" as well.

Enjoy and many blessings,
Summer

David Khachadoorian: The Journey of a Sal-man: "Last month I was in Pagosa Springs, Colorado and met Patty. She introduced me to Nathaniel. It was all very Celestine Prophecy in nature. We..."

Where is God/god?

Some people tell me that God is within.  Our own embedded theology may elicit a God who is everywhere.  A God who is outside of us and is in charge of all --  Omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent.  Then there is the thought that maybe there is no God or even a God with a little “g” (god).  Or maybe there are multiple gods.

But when soldiers go to battle, or sectarian violence means women are raped in front of their husbands and children, or when a village is slaughtered with machetes, I say to myself, where is God/god in all of this?  Where is my OMNIPOTENT God?  Where is my OMNISCIENT God who knows that this is happening and does not stop it?  Where is my OMNIPRESENT God?

Then I remember.  This God is in the eyes of the soldier who puts down his weapons to cradle a child who just blew off both of his legs on a landmine.  It is in the eyes of the rapist who suddenly realizes that what he is doing is wrong and shameful, and then he stops.  It is in the eyes of the child soldier who stops the slaughtering, dropping his machete, and running away so fast so he can be free from his own prison and hell.

It is in the eyes of those who grieve and cry and pick up the pieces in the aftermath.  Those kind, compassionate eyes that continue to speak out against these atrocities, and then work towards helping people transform.  It is this God – the one that is within – that we can find most easily.  Perhaps this is the God we should search for and speak about.  Perhaps this God is the one we understand the most.  Perhaps.

 

Cancer and Queens

I sat in the chemo room and looked around.  All of the ladies looked like they were at a salon.  Their hair was perfectly groomed.  “Bob” hairstyles seemed to be the wig style of the year.  I had to admit, they all looked better than I.  My hair, known for its thick, wavy curls, was not as coiffed.  It looked wild compared to the sleek wigs perched upon bare heads.  I wore little make-up, yet they all looked so beautiful and valiant and regal as they sat in their plush chairs with IV’s stuck in their chest or arm, wearing gorgeous colors on their faces, matching their perfect outfits befitting a Newport crowd.  Yes, we looked as if we were at a salon that day.  I half expected to see women with their feet stuck in a spa bath while their nails were manicured.

This was my first experience with chemotherapy.  I never expected to hear the words “You’ve got cancer,” but I did.  That day, my world changed.  That day, I saw the world differently.  I may have glamorized the chemo room a bit, thus softening the reality of this devastating disease, but that was what I needed, and, it seemed, all of the ladies needed to do.  We needed to feel as if our weekly 4-hour treatments were just another salon visit.  We needed to laugh and laugh because we were all facing the reality that we may not win this battle. 

Some were older.  Others were younger.  I remember thinking how it saddened me that a young woman, no more than 19 years, was sitting in the salon chair with her brown, bob cut wig on.  She was too young to be battling such a disease.  What about college?  Sports?  Friends? Sororities?  Dating?  Travel?  Will she ever find love from a man who will understand she can never have kids?  Will she ever live the life of a college student – the carefree life full of finding out who you are, and arguing your convictions until dawn?

That was 8 years ago.  I have been cancer free for 8 years now.  As I turn another year older, in a few days, I reflect on what it means to be cancer free - what I have given up to hold onto that identity.  I do not give up my precious memories of my baby boy entertaining all of the ladies – giving them the much needed smiles on their beautiful faces.  I do not give up my memory of the sun on my face as I visit Fashion Island to rest up before my body and I battle the chemotherapy just inserted into my blood stream – a battle I will experience that same night.  I do not give up my memory of lying in bed shivering and listening to the cars pass by, giving me hope that I will emerge once again and join the world of those who truly live.  No, I do not give these memories up.  Nor do I give up the memories of “the Salon Ladies.”  I remember, because it is in memories that we continue to fight and live. 

May I live and live and never forget that at any time those 3 little words can be spoken, thus changing my world yet again.  If you happen upon this blog, and are battling cancer, I pray that you find strength to fight and to see the beauty in the struggle.  Remember, the lotus blossom emerges through the muddy waters, and it emerges as a Queen – just like my regal “Salon Ladies.”  And, you, too, will emerge as royalty – changed forever – reborn into the amazing gift that is you.

Blessings and faith,

Summer

*Dedicated to Mary Herczog who died February 16, 2010.  She was a Queen.

 

Prayer or Intention?

Is there such a thing as the “power of prayer?”  I ask myself this at a time when so many appear to need help.  Sometimes I feel all I can do is pray.  Is there power in this?

A turning point for me on my faith journey was when I was lying in bed in the hospital, after surgery.  I was surprised at how much I didn’t feel pain.  Actually, so was the hospital staff.  I had one of those fancy machines that would administer painkillers at the touch of a button – literally.  However, I never pushed it – the miracle button, that is.  And the staff kept checking to see if it was working.  They were shocked that I never pushed this source of ecstasy.  “Don’t you feel pain,” they asked?  “Not enough to push the button,” I replied.

If I had known then what I know now, I would chalk it up to the power of prayer.  I had people from various faith communities praying for me in different ways: some chanted, some prayed out loud and others maybe just thought about me and wished me well.  The point is, they were all praying…just in different ways.

So, what is this thing called prayer?  Is it really about tapping into an outside source to change our destiny?  Or is it about tapping into the power within us?  Or is it about feeling connected to others – a community, if you will – who are doing the same thing we are? 

Various cultures interpret prayer differently.  Some may do a body prayer like yoga, or a meditative chant with the voice.  Others may prostrate on a prayer rug or kneel at an altar.  Some may create music to reach an ecstatic existence, or dance to the beat of drums.  Still others may relish silence as a way to meditate or pray.  What these all have in common is that they are focused on intention.

So, what is intention?  One doesn’t seem to need prayer for this.  People who purport not to be a part of a certain religion (i.e. Atheists and Agnostics) do this, too.  The online version of the Merriam-Webster Dictionary states that intention is “a determination to act in a certain way…resolve….what one intends to do or bring about…” Some of the synonyms listed are: aim, end, objective…goal.

That last term “goal” is one we can really grasp.  In the western education system we are taught to reach goals.  In our society, we learn to focus on goals and objectives.  Anyone who has ever achieved anything in life knows that it is with focused intention, with a goal in mind, that one achieves what one desires.

So, maybe prayer is this.  Maybe it is the intention of people – a focused intention – that lifts us up and gives us power.  The “power of prayer” then is when one feels supported by others – like when one is lying in a hospital bed, and not pushing the magical button of nirvana. 

But, then again, maybe we all have that “magical button.”  In an instant, we can find that place of ecstasy.  It is in knowing that communities of people are out there praying for us, for humanity, for the world.  Maybe this brings us hope…and power…so we can achieve our individual goals…or our collective dreams.  Maybe, we, too, do the same and give others the power of a “magical button” when we talk about prayer or intention.  In so doing, we give them permission to push the button, if they choose.

Power of prayer?  You bet.  And it is magic.

Blessings and faith,

Summer

Heart to Heart

Since I last posted, fate and faith have stepped up to the plate.  As I write this, I am amazed at all that has transpired in 5 short days.  But maybe that’s what happens when you experience a spiritual renewal/awakening – a turning point.  Maybe that’s what happens when you turn down the path most rocky or less traveled. 

Many conversations since my last posting have affirmed my thoughts.  I have spoken with people from various religious backgrounds: Christian, Buddhist, Atheist, Pagan, Hindu, Jewish and Muslim.  They all have said the same thing:  Faith means believing - just like in the Voltaire quote.  But they took it a step further.  They told me I have to not just believe, but I must know.  I have to act as if everything I want is happening right now.  For instance, if I were an attorney and I wanted to be the best attorney in a certain region, then I would act as if I am that person right now – even though I may not be - yet.

What really got to me was how the same thing has been told to me by people of various religions and cultures.  I am not talking about only Western culture here.  If so, we could blame the similarities on culture only.  No, a recent overseas phone call assured me that this is just not a matter of culture.  When the voice on the other end told me that faith was more than belief – that faith was knowing it to be true right now - seeing it as I want right now – acting as if it is happening right now - I knew this was more than a Western culture belief system.  This was true faith.

I read, in The Purification of the Soul, that “the most beneficial sustenance for the heart is faith.”  If so, by the time this journey is over, I should have a strong heart!  But, not only is it healthy for us, it asserts, faith is what we long to experience.  We long to have such a strong faith – like a marriage to our faith - that no one can put asunder – that no one can shatter.  We long for this.  Yet so many of us are afraid to affirm such strong belief…knowing…faith.

Why should we be afraid?  When some of the most faithful people I have met come from post-conflict societies – people who have lived through atrocities in war, fought to feed their families, fought to survive – how dare I sit here and be afraid to have faith?  When my friends and family and loved ones sit in poverty and real danger on a daily basis, how dare I not believe that I will obtain all that I desire?  How dare I have no faith?

If we long for faith than we should succumb to our longings.  It is at that point that we begin to transform.  I witnessed it this week with so many – some call it “miracles,” others call it “gifts,” and yet others refer to it as “alignment with the universe.”  Whatever you prefer to call it, I witnessed transformation and, possibly, the beginnings or continuation of changing my stars.  These messages told me to continue down this rocky road; continue to succumb to my longings to have unshakeable, unwavering faith that no one can put asunder.  Be good to my heart these gifts told me.  After all, my heart longs to be pure – just like faith.     

Blessings and faith,

Summer

Testing Fate, Testing Faith

This is my first post.  It is an auspicious day.  I am thankful for this day and this opportunity to share my reflections - my musings - on life.  I hope you will share this journey with me.  If so, may we learn from one another and transform our lives.  And so it begins…

Last week I was ill with a cold or flu.  Illness, to me, is a reminder to slow down and reflect on what is truly important.  As I lay in bed thinking (what else are you gonna do when not sleeping) I was reminded of another time in my life when I was spending a lot of time in bed due to illness.  That time turned out to be a transformative time in my life.  It was like a spiritual awakening.  Although, I cannot compare that time to a week of flu, there are some similarities. 

For instance, this past week, I did feel a spiritual renewal, if you will.  For some crazy reason I started to think about the word “faith,” and what it truly means.  Anyone who follows me on Facebook knows that I tend to post quotes about “faith.”  One such quote has been plastered all over the house and even in my car (those of you who have ridden in it lately can testify to this).   What is the quote you ask?  It is a quote by Voltaire, which, I feel, gets to the heart of the matter when it comes to faith.  He says, “Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe.”

This past week I asked myself:  Do I truly believe in this quote?  Can I say, with every fiber of my being, that I truly believe that I can change my stars?  I am reminded of the movie A Knight’s Tale where the father tells the son that he can change his stars and become whatever he wants to become.  The boy, who grew up in poverty, returns to his father after many years away, as a knight.  This would be unheard of for one marked to remain in poverty forever – without the proper lineage for knighthood.  Yet, he returns to his now blind father, under a new identity, and says about himself: “He wanted you to know that he changed his stars after all.”  It is at that moment that his father knows that the man standing before him is, in fact, his son.

I wonder if this is what faith is all about?  Is it the strong belief that, whatever your circumstances, you can change your stars?  What happens at that moment when you realize, like the father must have, that you always knew it would happen – that you kept the faith?  Is it at that moment that we are transformed?  Or does this transformation occur earlier – at some other point – thus, serving to lead us to the moment when we can say:  “YES!  I did it!  I changed my stars!”

So, my “spiritual renewal” left me with a need to put my faith to the test.  I realize that I sit here as a privileged person, living in sunny Southern California, in the United States, but even I have the need to test fate.  I sit before you now, a person who needs to affirm that I believe - I have faith – that I will change my stars and, hopefully, the stars of my loved ones.  I don’t know how it will happen, or when, but I will test my faith.

As I write in this blog, I will document my journey.  When the stars are changed, you will be the first to know.  So, won’t you come on this journey with me?  I wish to share it with you.  Who knows, maybe you will become inspired to test your faith.  Maybe you will change your stars, too…

Blessings and faith,

Summer