Where do we go when we die?

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.

- Anonymous

As I stood in front of those who had come to memorialize the life of my cousin, Eric Garvin, I could not help but think, where do we really go when we die? Is it that our spirit lives on, and we are always around - like the birds encircling the sky, or the wind that rushes through our hair? We lit candles as we each shared about this precious life, and how Eric touched so many and would always be remembered. The stories that emerged were so powerful that I could not help but think that Eric's spirit was there - guiding the words of all those who would share. In the intimate setting, surrounded by others who had passed on, I felt a sense of serenity and knowing that, no matter who you are, your life matters to someone. We are all interconnected and our choices affect others. I was a witness to a story in which my cousin saved his brother's life. I heard stories of how he helped others at their time of need -- whether it was through reassurance, affirmation, or acceptance. He may not have been president of a country, or written a book that would be quoted in classrooms year after year, but he saved people in his own way. His spirit will live on because of this. So, where do we go? We remain in the hearts of those with whom we come in contact. Perhaps, we float around in the sky, or play with the hair of our loved ones, or perhaps we settle into a new body and continue to touch the lives of others. Wherever we go is not important, it is how we treat others now that is most important. Your life matters. So, go forward and know that you are loved.

What we are called to do

I come to this entry after experiencing a lot of death. How? I have been serving as a chaplain in my local hospital. The past month has been so transformational for me. I have been blessed to sit with families who must make the heart-wrenching decision to disconnect life support. I have held the hand of people before they entered surgery, as I prayed for healing. I have witnessed a daughter almost faint because her father "coded" and needed to be revived. I have swelled with tears in my eyes as I watched family members look up and say, "Why, God?"

What do I now know from all of this?

At times of crisis, we may cling to a more certain theological doctrine in which we view the illness as God's will. We may get angry at God for bringing all of this pain into our lives. But, for the most part, we are thankful for the hospital staff. I have been amazed to see how much compassion the hospital staff still has after seeing so much death. I am amazed at my own ability to well up with tears at any given moment. I have seen death - yes - but I have not lost a sense of the divine presence.

My sense that there is "something" out there has strengthened. Why, you may ask? It is because I see how much love is out there. Perhaps, for you, it is just that - love. Perhaps, for you, it is community that explains your theology. For others, it is an energy that we feel. Yet others describe it as God, Divine Presence, Spirit, Universe...

But, what I have witnessed is that this Divine Presence, Love, Energy or God has made me available to answer the code blue call after another patient I was visiting had fallen asleep -- leading me to be present for the family who needed me at that exact moment. I have been available to pray for patients moments before they entered surgery to remove a cancerous tumor or would welcome their new baby into the world -- via c-section -- many weeks too early. I have been able to hold hands with 50 people who needed prayers to help heal their wounded hearts - because a friend and loved one has died 5x that day, and now was on life support. I was the one available -- on call -- present to witness their pain and tears and need for hope.

This love I have found -- the one that calls me to be present -- whether it is a scriptural passage, a community of faith, or a feeling -- or whether it is an energy or one whom we call God...This love I have found renews my faith in humanity on a daily basis. I see hope in the eyes of a loved one. I find grace in the smiles of my own family who has had to take this journey with me, and love me when I am sad and angry because I struggle with what I have witnessed. This love I find in the smiles and warm embraces from my community of faith. More than ever, we humans, need our communities -- whether we find that in a faith community, a social group, or within our own families. We need one another. We need love. This is what we are called to do: Experience more love. "Faith, hope, and love...And the greatest of these is love." (1 Corinthians 13: 13)