Where do we go when we die?

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.

- Anonymous

As I stood in front of those who had come to memorialize the life of my cousin, Eric Garvin, I could not help but think, where do we really go when we die? Is it that our spirit lives on, and we are always around - like the birds encircling the sky, or the wind that rushes through our hair? We lit candles as we each shared about this precious life, and how Eric touched so many and would always be remembered. The stories that emerged were so powerful that I could not help but think that Eric's spirit was there - guiding the words of all those who would share. In the intimate setting, surrounded by others who had passed on, I felt a sense of serenity and knowing that, no matter who you are, your life matters to someone. We are all interconnected and our choices affect others. I was a witness to a story in which my cousin saved his brother's life. I heard stories of how he helped others at their time of need -- whether it was through reassurance, affirmation, or acceptance. He may not have been president of a country, or written a book that would be quoted in classrooms year after year, but he saved people in his own way. His spirit will live on because of this. So, where do we go? We remain in the hearts of those with whom we come in contact. Perhaps, we float around in the sky, or play with the hair of our loved ones, or perhaps we settle into a new body and continue to touch the lives of others. Wherever we go is not important, it is how we treat others now that is most important. Your life matters. So, go forward and know that you are loved.

Lost in God

Someone asked, “What is love?” God answered, “You will know when you lose yourself in Me.”

–Jalalal-din Rumi, 13^th century Sufi mystic

Click on this link to read the rest of my "Lost in God" post for WomenWhoSpeakInChurch...

Am I a Mustang: Listening to the Wisdom of Animals

Lately, I have been thinking about animal totems. They say to look in your environment at the animals who keep appearing because they have something to teach us. Regardless, if you believe in animal totems or not, I am sure you can believe that animals are great teachers. So, which animals are in my environment at the moment? Which ones shall help me to become more wise? I believe it is the horse who will aid me on this spiritual journey.

Why, you ask? Well, my son takes lessons in riding and caring for horses and so I have spent some time around them. I always seem to feel calm around them which teaches me to slow life down -- even if for only a few hours. No computers, no phones -- just sit and observe these magnificent creatures breathe in and out or trot around the corral. Or I can just pet their snouts and then receive the beautiful kiss of a sneeze (always after I have taken my sunglasses off, mind you).

I was reading somewhere that the horse (as a totem or spirit guide) signifies travel, power and freedom. It is there to help you overcome obstacles and embark on new journeys. You will learn to ride and, possibly, embrace the new directions that life has set afoot at your doorstep. More than that, the horse will help you to feel free and empowered when embracing this new direction - this new change.

I write this after many, many difficult but transformational years in seminary. On Tuesday, I will don the traditional cap and gown and walk across that stage as I have witnessed the graduates before me do. I cannot believe that 4 years have passed and I have now completed my M.Div. program. This past year was full of obstacles and changes, yet I would not trade it, nor would I trade the last 4 years for anything.

I trust that my horse totem or spirit guide will help me on this new journey as I transition to a different life. No longer a student of theology, I am transformed into a teacher of theology. I am ready to share all that I have learned. I emerge confident that I understand the divine in the many experiences found in this world. I am ready to ride into this new direction and, like the cowboy/cowgirl, I hope it will always be into an amazing sunset.

Where is God/god?

Some people tell me that God is within.  Our own embedded theology may elicit a God who is everywhere.  A God who is outside of us and is in charge of all --  Omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent.  Then there is the thought that maybe there is no God or even a God with a little “g” (god).  Or maybe there are multiple gods.

But when soldiers go to battle, or sectarian violence means women are raped in front of their husbands and children, or when a village is slaughtered with machetes, I say to myself, where is God/god in all of this?  Where is my OMNIPOTENT God?  Where is my OMNISCIENT God who knows that this is happening and does not stop it?  Where is my OMNIPRESENT God?

Then I remember.  This God is in the eyes of the soldier who puts down his weapons to cradle a child who just blew off both of his legs on a landmine.  It is in the eyes of the rapist who suddenly realizes that what he is doing is wrong and shameful, and then he stops.  It is in the eyes of the child soldier who stops the slaughtering, dropping his machete, and running away so fast so he can be free from his own prison and hell.

It is in the eyes of those who grieve and cry and pick up the pieces in the aftermath.  Those kind, compassionate eyes that continue to speak out against these atrocities, and then work towards helping people transform.  It is this God – the one that is within – that we can find most easily.  Perhaps this is the God we should search for and speak about.  Perhaps this God is the one we understand the most.  Perhaps.

 

Testing Fate, Testing Faith

This is my first post.  It is an auspicious day.  I am thankful for this day and this opportunity to share my reflections - my musings - on life.  I hope you will share this journey with me.  If so, may we learn from one another and transform our lives.  And so it begins…

Last week I was ill with a cold or flu.  Illness, to me, is a reminder to slow down and reflect on what is truly important.  As I lay in bed thinking (what else are you gonna do when not sleeping) I was reminded of another time in my life when I was spending a lot of time in bed due to illness.  That time turned out to be a transformative time in my life.  It was like a spiritual awakening.  Although, I cannot compare that time to a week of flu, there are some similarities. 

For instance, this past week, I did feel a spiritual renewal, if you will.  For some crazy reason I started to think about the word “faith,” and what it truly means.  Anyone who follows me on Facebook knows that I tend to post quotes about “faith.”  One such quote has been plastered all over the house and even in my car (those of you who have ridden in it lately can testify to this).   What is the quote you ask?  It is a quote by Voltaire, which, I feel, gets to the heart of the matter when it comes to faith.  He says, “Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe.”

This past week I asked myself:  Do I truly believe in this quote?  Can I say, with every fiber of my being, that I truly believe that I can change my stars?  I am reminded of the movie A Knight’s Tale where the father tells the son that he can change his stars and become whatever he wants to become.  The boy, who grew up in poverty, returns to his father after many years away, as a knight.  This would be unheard of for one marked to remain in poverty forever – without the proper lineage for knighthood.  Yet, he returns to his now blind father, under a new identity, and says about himself: “He wanted you to know that he changed his stars after all.”  It is at that moment that his father knows that the man standing before him is, in fact, his son.

I wonder if this is what faith is all about?  Is it the strong belief that, whatever your circumstances, you can change your stars?  What happens at that moment when you realize, like the father must have, that you always knew it would happen – that you kept the faith?  Is it at that moment that we are transformed?  Or does this transformation occur earlier – at some other point – thus, serving to lead us to the moment when we can say:  “YES!  I did it!  I changed my stars!”

So, my “spiritual renewal” left me with a need to put my faith to the test.  I realize that I sit here as a privileged person, living in sunny Southern California, in the United States, but even I have the need to test fate.  I sit before you now, a person who needs to affirm that I believe - I have faith – that I will change my stars and, hopefully, the stars of my loved ones.  I don’t know how it will happen, or when, but I will test my faith.

As I write in this blog, I will document my journey.  When the stars are changed, you will be the first to know.  So, won’t you come on this journey with me?  I wish to share it with you.  Who knows, maybe you will become inspired to test your faith.  Maybe you will change your stars, too…

Blessings and faith,

Summer