Out of this Darkness and Into the Light: Through the Path of Humility

“Out of this Darkness and Into the Light: Through the Path of Humility” by Rev. Summer Albayati

(UU Mystics Winter Newsletter, 2017)

One of my favorite books is Out of Darkness Into Light by Rahman, Elias and Redding.  This book blends, beautifully, various spiritual teachings from Islam, Judaism and Christianity.  One such teaching to help us find the light comes from the Sufi teacher, Saadi of Shiraz.  The story goes something like this:

“As a child, Saadi of Shiraz sometimes took part when his father, a revered teacher, spent the night in prayer with his devoted students.  One night all the disciples fell asleep during the vigil, but not the young Saadi.  Feeling quite proud of himself, he said to his father, ‘Look at them!  You might think they were all dead!’  To which his father replied, ‘Beloved son, I wish you also were asleep like them, rather than slandering them.” (p.128)

This beautiful story taught Saadi that the path of humility was best.  As Unitarian Universalists, sometimes we can be self-righteous and think we know the right way to be in the world.  Yet we find ourselves at a difficult time in our nation’s history.  It is a dark and confusing time for liberal faith traditions.  We now find that our values are being challenged and are at risk of being lost forever.  This may scare us as we embark on a new journey -- one that feels as though the light is disappearing -- leaving us completely in the darkness.  

It may help us to remember that to be humble is considered one of the paths out of the darkness and into the light for mystics.  Certainly for Sufi mystics, one must have humility to truly become one with the beloved -- a unity immersed in love.

Now is the time to ask ourselves this:  How do we cultivate a humble way of being when we may believe that we hold the only truth? How does humbling ourselves -- a type of surrendering -- give us strength at such a difficult time in our country’s history?  Can we let go and let God -- allowing ourselves to have a deep faith that love will prevail?  

Let us challenge ourselves in the months to come.  Prayer, surrender, self-reflection are all tools we can use to humble ourselves and perhaps find the light that will draw us out of this darkness.  May it be so.  Ameen.

Sufism and Science: Purification of the Heart as a Path to Better Health by Rev. Summer Albayati (First published in the UU Mystics Fall 2016 Newsletter)

Sufism, the mystical dimension of Islam, is connected to science in many ways.  A perusal of the literature will speak about the following with regard to science and Sufism:  space-time, light, physics, nature, biology, electromagnetic waves, brain, and psychology, to name a few.  The field of neurotheology looks at the brain as it is connected to religion or spiritual beliefs.  It is here that one may focus on Sufism since the Sufi seeks to experience the oneness of the divine via mystical experiences.  And these mystical experiences may benefit us in many wonderful ways.  

Mystical experiences, it is thought, can be experienced during prayer or meditation.  It is a sensory experience.  That is, it is an experience of the divine while using the senses -- hearing, sight, smell, taste and touch.  These senses aid us in experiencing the divine, a mystical experience that sometimes cannot be captured in words.  The whirling dervish uses the body to whirl around while listening to music, and touching the ground, thus using multiple senses.  The dhikr, a form of meditation and prayer, in which one remembers the attributes of God, can be seen as using the senses to perceive or sense the divine spirit as well.  Some Sufis incorporate the repetitive speaking of God’s name with movement, perhaps outside where one can not only feel the earth under the feet, but through the wind on one’s face and through its intoxicating aroma.  It is primarily by using these senses and applying repetitive movements and chants that the Sufi may experience the various scientific modes listed above, as well as the effects of the neurotransmitters that can make one feel good.  Thus, the Sufi may experience feelings of ecstasy associated with an increase of endorphins.  

It is the feeling of the divine that may be what benefits us most.  For the Sufi, the view of the heart is central.  The heart is seen as the main organ to be cultivated in order to invoke compassion and love within us.  And it is when this heart is purified that we can gain wisdom or enlightenment, thus perhaps experiencing the divine wisdom even more.  So how can one cultivate a more loving and compassionate heart?  

For the Sufi, focusing on opening the heart is what will help us to express love and compassion and it is through meditation and prayer that we are able to experience the love of the divine. The effect may be an opening of our heart to all that love offers us.  But without utilizing the tools of prayer and meditation, we may not experience such love.  And the heart is so central in Sufism that without it we cannot experience God.  That is, God is found through our heart and this heart is so important to finding God.  

In science, it is known that the brain sends messages to the body so that the body functions.  We know that feelings of stress via thoughts and emotions affect our health.  And so we have been told that we need to be able to manage our stress through diet and exercise, and perhaps some way that helps our brain to empty -- emptying the mind, so to speak, in order to manage our thoughts and emotions.  Stressful thoughts lead to sadness and anger and all of the negative emotions that can hurt our physical body over time.  

But it is emotions that can be linked to our heart in a physical way that we may witness.  How many of us have experienced our heart racing if we are nervous or scared?  What about the real feeling of our heart aching after we have experienced significant loss?  It was thought before that these feelings in the heart were connected to the brain’s messages only.  That is, our thoughts and emotions emanate from the brain and send messages to our heart which results in our heart racing or aching.  But research now tells us that the heart sends messages to the brain as well.  It is no longer a one way street.  The heart may have some say in how we feel.  With this knowledge, we may see how perhaps the Sufis got it right when they focused on opening the heart.  By opening our hearts, through meditation and prayer, in order to experience more love, we may just be helping the rest of our body as well.  The brain sends messages to the whole body, so the heart could help the body be healthy by sending messages of love to the brain.  Now that’s a real reason to experience more love in our lives.  Better health?  Sign me up!

Most of us know the ancient Sufi mystic, Rumi, whose central message was love.  Let us end this article with Rumi’s message about the heart.  May its words guide us as we seek to open our hearts more to love.  May the words that we speak, hear, read, help us so that we may experience better health in the months to come.    

Surely there is a window from heart to heart:

they are not separate and far from each other.

Two earthenware lamps are not joined,

but their light is mingled as it moves.

No lover seeks union without the beloved seeking;

but the love of lovers makes the body thin as a bowstring,

while the love of loved ones makes them comely and plump.

When the lightning of love for the beloved

has shot into this heart, know that there is love in that heart.

When love for God has been doubled in your heart,

there is no doubt that God has love for you.

[III, 4391-6]   

Ameen.  May it be so.

"Mysticism, Faith, Life -- 3 Words To Live By" by Rev. Summer Albayati

(Article from UU Mystics Spring Newsletter)

Embracing mysticism to me means embracing the idea that we can never know -- truly know -- what will happen in our lives. For me, this concept has challenged me in amazing ways.  I have had to take that leap of faith and realize that I do not necessarily have complete control over my life.  And yet I must have faith, no matter what, that life will be okay.

The first time this happened to me was when I was diagnosed with cancer.  I had just given birth to my son and a few weeks later was told that I had a tumor that had grown rather quickly.  This invasive tumor wasn't present at the birth and then, poof -- like magic, this cancer was fast acting, and growing. It required a complete hysterectomy, chemotherapy and radiation in order to have a chance to survive.  

When faced with that unknown -- life or death -- one's faith can be challenged, to say the least.  For me, my faith was challenged in a big way and it was those holy moments, embracing the unknown in the everyday experiences, that kept me going:  eating miso soup every day after radiation (the only food that day), watching my beautiful baby boy entertain the ladies in the chemotherapy room for many hours, sitting on a bench while feeling the sun's rays on my face, and listening to the cars pass by as I lay in bed, exhausted and sick, but thankful to hear the sounds of life. 

Embracing mysticism means I strengthen my faith by believing that, whatever the suffering, whatever unknown path my life will take, I will be okay -- as long as I realize that it is the signs of life that are holy.  That way, no matter what my pain may be, there is a life preserve called life -- and it is continually happening, no matter what.  Mysticism, faith, life.  Those are three words this mystic cannot live without. 

Mindfulness During The Holiday Season

In The Miracle of Mindfulness, Thich Nhat Hanh said: “Consider the example of a table.  The table’s existence is possible due to the existence of things which we might call the “non-table world”: the forest where the wood grew and was cut, the carpenter, the iron ore which became the nails and screws, and countless other things which have relation to the table, the parents and ancestors of the carpenter, the sun and rain which made it possible for the trees to grow.

If you grasp the table’s reality then you see that in the table itself are present all those things which we normally think of as the non-table world.  If you took away any of those non-table elements and returned them to their sources -- the nails back to the iron ore, the wood to the forest, the carpenter to his parents -- the table would no longer exist.  

A person who looks at the table and can see the universe is a person who can see the way.”

In today's society filled with disconnect and suffering, how can we see the universe in everything? How do we cultivate that understanding within to see that we are interdependent beings living in an interdependent world?

The Zen Buddhist tradition of Mindfulness is one way. As I practice focusing on driving mindfully every day, being fully aware that I am driving instead of arriving at my destination with no idea as to how I got there because I was distracted by my own thoughts, I may actually see that the person who cuts me off is somehow connected to me. And that the engineers and mechanics who painstakingly designed and built my beloved car are all driving with me somehow. It's wild to think that way, but perhaps if we did we may all slow down a little and be more cautious when we drive.

Lately, the freeway signs in my neck of the woods remind drivers to "slow down to save a life." It's sad that our world has come to this. We must remind one another to slow down. But, you know, that's good advice. How can we all slow down to save our own lives and the lives of our loved ones? How can we slow down from the hustle and bustle of commerce during this holiday season? How can we be more mindful of what we are purchasing, and how each person who created that item of clothing that we wear, the electronic that we use, the toy that we play with, is with us -- somehow?

To be mindful is to be one with the whole universe. Perhaps, this may be the time to reflect on this concept more. You could meditate, pray or practice being mindful more -- being present in every moment. Or you could go back to scurrying from store to store to find that perfect gift, honking at cars that cut you off, and scowling at those who upset you -- not enjoying the gifts of the season. We all struggle with anger and anxiety at this time more than perhaps other months in the year. But what if we vowed to slow down this December?  

For me, I want to practice being more mindful this December. It is something I feel called to do -- need to do. Perhaps, in so doing, I will truly realize that we are all connected in this interdependent universe. I will see "the way" that Thich Nhat Hanh speaks about. Then when I mindfully slow down, I might save my own life. And that may just be the best gift I can give myself this holiday season.

May you find your perfect gift this December,

Rev. Summer

Death -- The Great Mystery of Life...

"On the day I die, don’t say he’s gone. Death has nothing to do with going away.

The sun sets, and the moon sets but they’re not gone.

Death is a coming together.

The human seed goes down into the ground like a bucket,

and comes up with some unimagined beauty.

Your mouth closes here, and immediately opens

with a shout of joy there."

--Rumi

Ah, death.  This is the October theme at the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Kern County, where I serve as Consulting Minister.  

Looking at a monthly theme is a time of wonder and awe for me, and this month I must reflect on death and what it means.  Having recently experienced the death of my father, this theme could not come at a more relevant time in my life.

Like the Rumi poem, I tend to think of death and rebirth together.  Or maybe I want to believe that something will come out of the death.  Not just pain for those left behind.  Not just the hope of a heaven in which we will all be reunited.  Not just a life in which we die and…”that’s all folks!”  Somehow, I long to know that my loved ones will come back to me reincarnated -- whether in another form -- but back to me because I miss them profoundly.  

As I write this, I cannot help but remember the many conversations I have had with my mother regarding the death of my father.  A few weeks ago, we remembered his image, lying there in the hospital bed.  An image that will forever be imprinted in my memory.  

He was pronounced dead before we arrived at the hospital in the middle of the night.  I held his hand and cried and said my last goodbyes.  But to whom or what?  He was not there.  That was the shell.  His temple, so to speak.  The husks, within mystical Judaism, that contain lights --  and that we are to gather together to create G-d.  So, does this mean G-d is present in life only?   

Ah, death.  The great mystery of life.  We fear it.  We find blessings and relief within it.  We feel guilt and sadness and experience tears and laughter as we remember the dead.  As the fellowship looks more closely at this theme this month, I pray that we never forget to live every minute to its fullest.  Easy to say, yet more difficult to actually do.

Of course, no October can go by, especially with a theme of death, without looking at Halloween or All Hallows Eve/Samhain and various festivals of the dead throughout the world. Perhaps, one of my favorite holidays will bring comfort as I don my favorite annual costume and trick or treat with my son.  We love to watch scary movies, attend Halloween parties, and even visit Disneyland to see the creative costumes of “Cast Members.”  

Let me look toward the festivities of October with wonder and awe as I learn more about death and life, so that I can live out my call.  Perhaps, this month of studying death will lead me to a rebirth of my commitment to this beautiful faith of Unitarian Universalism.    

Namaste and may you find life within death this October,

Summer  

Forgive Me

THE POET ASKS FORGIVENESS
by
Fay Zwicky

Dead to the world I have failed you
Forgive me, traveller.
Thirsty, I was no fountain
Hungry, I was not bread
Tired, I was no pillow
Forgive my unwritten poems:
the many I have frozen with irony
the many I have trampled with anger
the many I have rejected in self-defence
the many I have ignored in fear
unaware, blind or fearful
I ignored them.
They clamoured everywhere
those unwritten poems.
They sought me out day and night
and I turned them away.
Forgive me the colours
they might have worn
Forgive me their eclipsed faces
They dared not venture from
the unwritten lines.
Under each inert hour of my silence
died a poem, unheeded

September is a time for change. The summer is over and school begins again -- reminding us of time and order. Some will begin a new career. Some -- a new ministry.  Others will just begin, again.
There are new possibilities with September.  Yet, I am reminded that it is the month for Yom Kippur in which the Jewish peoples ask for forgiveness from God and others.  This requires humbling oneself before God and others.  It is, also, the first of monthly themes that will be explored in worship at the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Kern County, Bakersfield, where I serve as minister.

Forgiveness. It’s a difficult concept to fully
grasp. Not so easy to do.

In the aforementioned poem by Fay
Zwicky, a Jewish writer, she asks for
forgiveness for the poet within. She
apologizes for not writing and ignoring the
poems that were clamoring to be written. I
wonder, at this time of change, what might
we forgive of ourselves so we can begin,
again. What have you left undone? What
part of you is clamoring to be expressed?

For me, it is writing more. For me, it is
sending my manuscript to a publisher, and
facing possible rejection. Can I forgive
myself for ignoring the muse within? Can
I forgive myself for not sending the
manuscript yet? Can I begin, again, and
face this time of change with wonder and
open arms -- open to the possibilities of
transformation when I forgive myself?

May your September be filled with
forgiveness and new beginnings,
Summer

Spring is Rebirth and Re-Commitment!

The sun is shining upon our faces, the days are getting longer, the smell of jasmine is in the air -- all reminding us that spring is here.  What does this time of year symbolize? 

For some of us, it is a reminder of life.  We have come out of the dormant and cold days of winter.  Like a flower we emerge from underground and greet the day.  I

t is that time of year for rebirth.  It is the time of year when we look back through the winter of our lives and affirm that we will emerge whole, transformed, ready to take on life.  

For me, this spring is a reminder of my commitment to parish ministry.  I remember the sermon in which I explored the possibilities of "congregations and beyond."  I emerge re-committing myself to this vision of Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA) President Peter Morales.  

It was only a little over a week ago when Morales reminded me of this concept again.  I was at a conference for ministers, religious educators and musicians that identify as multicultural, in which Morales spoke to an expansion of vision of the UUA and our congregations.  

There was a sense of hope in transforming our world and I, lovingly, remembered how the congregation where I serve in La Crescenta affirmed their commitment to justice and transformation of society, as we danced out into the streets.  This was our collective rebirth as a community of love who dared to carry on the previous visions of our Unitarian Universalist forbears.  

How will you experience rebirth in your life?  What re-commitments will you make this spring?

My prayer for you is this:  May you feel transformation within your life and the lives of your loved ones...

Namaste and blessed be,

Summer

Where do we go when we die?

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.

- Anonymous

As I stood in front of those who had come to memorialize the life of my cousin, Eric Garvin, I could not help but think, where do we really go when we die? Is it that our spirit lives on, and we are always around - like the birds encircling the sky, or the wind that rushes through our hair? We lit candles as we each shared about this precious life, and how Eric touched so many and would always be remembered. The stories that emerged were so powerful that I could not help but think that Eric's spirit was there - guiding the words of all those who would share. In the intimate setting, surrounded by others who had passed on, I felt a sense of serenity and knowing that, no matter who you are, your life matters to someone. We are all interconnected and our choices affect others. I was a witness to a story in which my cousin saved his brother's life. I heard stories of how he helped others at their time of need -- whether it was through reassurance, affirmation, or acceptance. He may not have been president of a country, or written a book that would be quoted in classrooms year after year, but he saved people in his own way. His spirit will live on because of this. So, where do we go? We remain in the hearts of those with whom we come in contact. Perhaps, we float around in the sky, or play with the hair of our loved ones, or perhaps we settle into a new body and continue to touch the lives of others. Wherever we go is not important, it is how we treat others now that is most important. Your life matters. So, go forward and know that you are loved.

Spreading the Cloths of Heaven

Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

—He Wishes For The Cloths Of Heaven
William Butler Yeats

Read more on what this poem means to us as we ring in the New Year. See my post in Women Who Speak in Church!

Lost in God

Someone asked, “What is love?” God answered, “You will know when you lose yourself in Me.”

–Jalalal-din Rumi, 13^th century Sufi mystic

Click on this link to read the rest of my "Lost in God" post for WomenWhoSpeakInChurch...

What we are called to do

I come to this entry after experiencing a lot of death. How? I have been serving as a chaplain in my local hospital. The past month has been so transformational for me. I have been blessed to sit with families who must make the heart-wrenching decision to disconnect life support. I have held the hand of people before they entered surgery, as I prayed for healing. I have witnessed a daughter almost faint because her father "coded" and needed to be revived. I have swelled with tears in my eyes as I watched family members look up and say, "Why, God?"

What do I now know from all of this?

At times of crisis, we may cling to a more certain theological doctrine in which we view the illness as God's will. We may get angry at God for bringing all of this pain into our lives. But, for the most part, we are thankful for the hospital staff. I have been amazed to see how much compassion the hospital staff still has after seeing so much death. I am amazed at my own ability to well up with tears at any given moment. I have seen death - yes - but I have not lost a sense of the divine presence.

My sense that there is "something" out there has strengthened. Why, you may ask? It is because I see how much love is out there. Perhaps, for you, it is just that - love. Perhaps, for you, it is community that explains your theology. For others, it is an energy that we feel. Yet others describe it as God, Divine Presence, Spirit, Universe...

But, what I have witnessed is that this Divine Presence, Love, Energy or God has made me available to answer the code blue call after another patient I was visiting had fallen asleep -- leading me to be present for the family who needed me at that exact moment. I have been available to pray for patients moments before they entered surgery to remove a cancerous tumor or would welcome their new baby into the world -- via c-section -- many weeks too early. I have been able to hold hands with 50 people who needed prayers to help heal their wounded hearts - because a friend and loved one has died 5x that day, and now was on life support. I was the one available -- on call -- present to witness their pain and tears and need for hope.

This love I have found -- the one that calls me to be present -- whether it is a scriptural passage, a community of faith, or a feeling -- or whether it is an energy or one whom we call God...This love I have found renews my faith in humanity on a daily basis. I see hope in the eyes of a loved one. I find grace in the smiles of my own family who has had to take this journey with me, and love me when I am sad and angry because I struggle with what I have witnessed. This love I find in the smiles and warm embraces from my community of faith. More than ever, we humans, need our communities -- whether we find that in a faith community, a social group, or within our own families. We need one another. We need love. This is what we are called to do: Experience more love. "Faith, hope, and love...And the greatest of these is love." (1 Corinthians 13: 13)

Beauty - The Way to the Divine

What is a spiritual life? What does that mean?

For me, it means that I can move from spiritual experience to spiritual experience in one weekend. I can move from attending prayers at the local Mosque to surrounding myself with nature and animals while riding a horse. Then I can drive to Catholic Mass with my Sister-in-Law and then, the next day, I can attend my UU church. Afterward, I can end the day with yoga or chanting with Buddhist friends. It means that I am open to experiencing the divine in all religions and all experiences.

For some people this may be difficult. I urge you to start with meditating. Try another form of meditation that is foreign to you. After 1 week of practicing that meditation, ask yourself how you feel. Did you search for the beauty within that experience? After all, beauty is what links all of the wisdom of religions and experiences together.

In Process Theology, beauty is an important element to understanding the divine. That is, we all strive toward beauty in this world. That is the reason for all of these religious or spiritual experiences - whether that be in a mosque, synagogue, church, fellowship hall, temple, community center, yoga center, someone's living room, a personal meditation room, a concert, the theater, nature.

Isn't that what I was searching for and finding when I recited portions of the Qur'an or when I spoke to the horse who would carry me on her back so sweetly? Isn't that what I felt when I held the hands of a stranger while singing the Lord's Prayer with my eyes closed? Isn't that what I witnessed when I attended my UU church and sang songs about justice and equality for all? Isn't that what I experienced when I chanted portions of the Lotus Sutra with friends?

Beauty is the way to the divine. Beauty is healing. Beauty is what we all long for. Seek and ye shall find...Beauty.

Am I a Mustang: Listening to the Wisdom of Animals

Lately, I have been thinking about animal totems. They say to look in your environment at the animals who keep appearing because they have something to teach us. Regardless, if you believe in animal totems or not, I am sure you can believe that animals are great teachers. So, which animals are in my environment at the moment? Which ones shall help me to become more wise? I believe it is the horse who will aid me on this spiritual journey.

Why, you ask? Well, my son takes lessons in riding and caring for horses and so I have spent some time around them. I always seem to feel calm around them which teaches me to slow life down -- even if for only a few hours. No computers, no phones -- just sit and observe these magnificent creatures breathe in and out or trot around the corral. Or I can just pet their snouts and then receive the beautiful kiss of a sneeze (always after I have taken my sunglasses off, mind you).

I was reading somewhere that the horse (as a totem or spirit guide) signifies travel, power and freedom. It is there to help you overcome obstacles and embark on new journeys. You will learn to ride and, possibly, embrace the new directions that life has set afoot at your doorstep. More than that, the horse will help you to feel free and empowered when embracing this new direction - this new change.

I write this after many, many difficult but transformational years in seminary. On Tuesday, I will don the traditional cap and gown and walk across that stage as I have witnessed the graduates before me do. I cannot believe that 4 years have passed and I have now completed my M.Div. program. This past year was full of obstacles and changes, yet I would not trade it, nor would I trade the last 4 years for anything.

I trust that my horse totem or spirit guide will help me on this new journey as I transition to a different life. No longer a student of theology, I am transformed into a teacher of theology. I am ready to share all that I have learned. I emerge confident that I understand the divine in the many experiences found in this world. I am ready to ride into this new direction and, like the cowboy/cowgirl, I hope it will always be into an amazing sunset.

David Khachadoorian: The Journey of a Sal-man

A spiritual awakening from my good friend, David. A gift for you this morning. So you can begin to "change your stars" as well.

Enjoy and many blessings,
Summer

David Khachadoorian: The Journey of a Sal-man: "Last month I was in Pagosa Springs, Colorado and met Patty. She introduced me to Nathaniel. It was all very Celestine Prophecy in nature. We..."

Where is God/god?

Some people tell me that God is within.  Our own embedded theology may elicit a God who is everywhere.  A God who is outside of us and is in charge of all --  Omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent.  Then there is the thought that maybe there is no God or even a God with a little “g” (god).  Or maybe there are multiple gods.

But when soldiers go to battle, or sectarian violence means women are raped in front of their husbands and children, or when a village is slaughtered with machetes, I say to myself, where is God/god in all of this?  Where is my OMNIPOTENT God?  Where is my OMNISCIENT God who knows that this is happening and does not stop it?  Where is my OMNIPRESENT God?

Then I remember.  This God is in the eyes of the soldier who puts down his weapons to cradle a child who just blew off both of his legs on a landmine.  It is in the eyes of the rapist who suddenly realizes that what he is doing is wrong and shameful, and then he stops.  It is in the eyes of the child soldier who stops the slaughtering, dropping his machete, and running away so fast so he can be free from his own prison and hell.

It is in the eyes of those who grieve and cry and pick up the pieces in the aftermath.  Those kind, compassionate eyes that continue to speak out against these atrocities, and then work towards helping people transform.  It is this God – the one that is within – that we can find most easily.  Perhaps this is the God we should search for and speak about.  Perhaps this God is the one we understand the most.  Perhaps.

 

Cancer and Queens

I sat in the chemo room and looked around.  All of the ladies looked like they were at a salon.  Their hair was perfectly groomed.  “Bob” hairstyles seemed to be the wig style of the year.  I had to admit, they all looked better than I.  My hair, known for its thick, wavy curls, was not as coiffed.  It looked wild compared to the sleek wigs perched upon bare heads.  I wore little make-up, yet they all looked so beautiful and valiant and regal as they sat in their plush chairs with IV’s stuck in their chest or arm, wearing gorgeous colors on their faces, matching their perfect outfits befitting a Newport crowd.  Yes, we looked as if we were at a salon that day.  I half expected to see women with their feet stuck in a spa bath while their nails were manicured.

This was my first experience with chemotherapy.  I never expected to hear the words “You’ve got cancer,” but I did.  That day, my world changed.  That day, I saw the world differently.  I may have glamorized the chemo room a bit, thus softening the reality of this devastating disease, but that was what I needed, and, it seemed, all of the ladies needed to do.  We needed to feel as if our weekly 4-hour treatments were just another salon visit.  We needed to laugh and laugh because we were all facing the reality that we may not win this battle. 

Some were older.  Others were younger.  I remember thinking how it saddened me that a young woman, no more than 19 years, was sitting in the salon chair with her brown, bob cut wig on.  She was too young to be battling such a disease.  What about college?  Sports?  Friends? Sororities?  Dating?  Travel?  Will she ever find love from a man who will understand she can never have kids?  Will she ever live the life of a college student – the carefree life full of finding out who you are, and arguing your convictions until dawn?

That was 8 years ago.  I have been cancer free for 8 years now.  As I turn another year older, in a few days, I reflect on what it means to be cancer free - what I have given up to hold onto that identity.  I do not give up my precious memories of my baby boy entertaining all of the ladies – giving them the much needed smiles on their beautiful faces.  I do not give up my memory of the sun on my face as I visit Fashion Island to rest up before my body and I battle the chemotherapy just inserted into my blood stream – a battle I will experience that same night.  I do not give up my memory of lying in bed shivering and listening to the cars pass by, giving me hope that I will emerge once again and join the world of those who truly live.  No, I do not give these memories up.  Nor do I give up the memories of “the Salon Ladies.”  I remember, because it is in memories that we continue to fight and live. 

May I live and live and never forget that at any time those 3 little words can be spoken, thus changing my world yet again.  If you happen upon this blog, and are battling cancer, I pray that you find strength to fight and to see the beauty in the struggle.  Remember, the lotus blossom emerges through the muddy waters, and it emerges as a Queen – just like my regal “Salon Ladies.”  And, you, too, will emerge as royalty – changed forever – reborn into the amazing gift that is you.

Blessings and faith,

Summer

*Dedicated to Mary Herczog who died February 16, 2010.  She was a Queen.

 

Prayer or Intention?

Is there such a thing as the “power of prayer?”  I ask myself this at a time when so many appear to need help.  Sometimes I feel all I can do is pray.  Is there power in this?

A turning point for me on my faith journey was when I was lying in bed in the hospital, after surgery.  I was surprised at how much I didn’t feel pain.  Actually, so was the hospital staff.  I had one of those fancy machines that would administer painkillers at the touch of a button – literally.  However, I never pushed it – the miracle button, that is.  And the staff kept checking to see if it was working.  They were shocked that I never pushed this source of ecstasy.  “Don’t you feel pain,” they asked?  “Not enough to push the button,” I replied.

If I had known then what I know now, I would chalk it up to the power of prayer.  I had people from various faith communities praying for me in different ways: some chanted, some prayed out loud and others maybe just thought about me and wished me well.  The point is, they were all praying…just in different ways.

So, what is this thing called prayer?  Is it really about tapping into an outside source to change our destiny?  Or is it about tapping into the power within us?  Or is it about feeling connected to others – a community, if you will – who are doing the same thing we are? 

Various cultures interpret prayer differently.  Some may do a body prayer like yoga, or a meditative chant with the voice.  Others may prostrate on a prayer rug or kneel at an altar.  Some may create music to reach an ecstatic existence, or dance to the beat of drums.  Still others may relish silence as a way to meditate or pray.  What these all have in common is that they are focused on intention.

So, what is intention?  One doesn’t seem to need prayer for this.  People who purport not to be a part of a certain religion (i.e. Atheists and Agnostics) do this, too.  The online version of the Merriam-Webster Dictionary states that intention is “a determination to act in a certain way…resolve….what one intends to do or bring about…” Some of the synonyms listed are: aim, end, objective…goal.

That last term “goal” is one we can really grasp.  In the western education system we are taught to reach goals.  In our society, we learn to focus on goals and objectives.  Anyone who has ever achieved anything in life knows that it is with focused intention, with a goal in mind, that one achieves what one desires.

So, maybe prayer is this.  Maybe it is the intention of people – a focused intention – that lifts us up and gives us power.  The “power of prayer” then is when one feels supported by others – like when one is lying in a hospital bed, and not pushing the magical button of nirvana. 

But, then again, maybe we all have that “magical button.”  In an instant, we can find that place of ecstasy.  It is in knowing that communities of people are out there praying for us, for humanity, for the world.  Maybe this brings us hope…and power…so we can achieve our individual goals…or our collective dreams.  Maybe, we, too, do the same and give others the power of a “magical button” when we talk about prayer or intention.  In so doing, we give them permission to push the button, if they choose.

Power of prayer?  You bet.  And it is magic.

Blessings and faith,

Summer

Heart to Heart

Since I last posted, fate and faith have stepped up to the plate.  As I write this, I am amazed at all that has transpired in 5 short days.  But maybe that’s what happens when you experience a spiritual renewal/awakening – a turning point.  Maybe that’s what happens when you turn down the path most rocky or less traveled. 

Many conversations since my last posting have affirmed my thoughts.  I have spoken with people from various religious backgrounds: Christian, Buddhist, Atheist, Pagan, Hindu, Jewish and Muslim.  They all have said the same thing:  Faith means believing - just like in the Voltaire quote.  But they took it a step further.  They told me I have to not just believe, but I must know.  I have to act as if everything I want is happening right now.  For instance, if I were an attorney and I wanted to be the best attorney in a certain region, then I would act as if I am that person right now – even though I may not be - yet.

What really got to me was how the same thing has been told to me by people of various religions and cultures.  I am not talking about only Western culture here.  If so, we could blame the similarities on culture only.  No, a recent overseas phone call assured me that this is just not a matter of culture.  When the voice on the other end told me that faith was more than belief – that faith was knowing it to be true right now - seeing it as I want right now – acting as if it is happening right now - I knew this was more than a Western culture belief system.  This was true faith.

I read, in The Purification of the Soul, that “the most beneficial sustenance for the heart is faith.”  If so, by the time this journey is over, I should have a strong heart!  But, not only is it healthy for us, it asserts, faith is what we long to experience.  We long to have such a strong faith – like a marriage to our faith - that no one can put asunder – that no one can shatter.  We long for this.  Yet so many of us are afraid to affirm such strong belief…knowing…faith.

Why should we be afraid?  When some of the most faithful people I have met come from post-conflict societies – people who have lived through atrocities in war, fought to feed their families, fought to survive – how dare I sit here and be afraid to have faith?  When my friends and family and loved ones sit in poverty and real danger on a daily basis, how dare I not believe that I will obtain all that I desire?  How dare I have no faith?

If we long for faith than we should succumb to our longings.  It is at that point that we begin to transform.  I witnessed it this week with so many – some call it “miracles,” others call it “gifts,” and yet others refer to it as “alignment with the universe.”  Whatever you prefer to call it, I witnessed transformation and, possibly, the beginnings or continuation of changing my stars.  These messages told me to continue down this rocky road; continue to succumb to my longings to have unshakeable, unwavering faith that no one can put asunder.  Be good to my heart these gifts told me.  After all, my heart longs to be pure – just like faith.     

Blessings and faith,

Summer

Testing Fate, Testing Faith

This is my first post.  It is an auspicious day.  I am thankful for this day and this opportunity to share my reflections - my musings - on life.  I hope you will share this journey with me.  If so, may we learn from one another and transform our lives.  And so it begins…

Last week I was ill with a cold or flu.  Illness, to me, is a reminder to slow down and reflect on what is truly important.  As I lay in bed thinking (what else are you gonna do when not sleeping) I was reminded of another time in my life when I was spending a lot of time in bed due to illness.  That time turned out to be a transformative time in my life.  It was like a spiritual awakening.  Although, I cannot compare that time to a week of flu, there are some similarities. 

For instance, this past week, I did feel a spiritual renewal, if you will.  For some crazy reason I started to think about the word “faith,” and what it truly means.  Anyone who follows me on Facebook knows that I tend to post quotes about “faith.”  One such quote has been plastered all over the house and even in my car (those of you who have ridden in it lately can testify to this).   What is the quote you ask?  It is a quote by Voltaire, which, I feel, gets to the heart of the matter when it comes to faith.  He says, “Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe.”

This past week I asked myself:  Do I truly believe in this quote?  Can I say, with every fiber of my being, that I truly believe that I can change my stars?  I am reminded of the movie A Knight’s Tale where the father tells the son that he can change his stars and become whatever he wants to become.  The boy, who grew up in poverty, returns to his father after many years away, as a knight.  This would be unheard of for one marked to remain in poverty forever – without the proper lineage for knighthood.  Yet, he returns to his now blind father, under a new identity, and says about himself: “He wanted you to know that he changed his stars after all.”  It is at that moment that his father knows that the man standing before him is, in fact, his son.

I wonder if this is what faith is all about?  Is it the strong belief that, whatever your circumstances, you can change your stars?  What happens at that moment when you realize, like the father must have, that you always knew it would happen – that you kept the faith?  Is it at that moment that we are transformed?  Or does this transformation occur earlier – at some other point – thus, serving to lead us to the moment when we can say:  “YES!  I did it!  I changed my stars!”

So, my “spiritual renewal” left me with a need to put my faith to the test.  I realize that I sit here as a privileged person, living in sunny Southern California, in the United States, but even I have the need to test fate.  I sit before you now, a person who needs to affirm that I believe - I have faith – that I will change my stars and, hopefully, the stars of my loved ones.  I don’t know how it will happen, or when, but I will test my faith.

As I write in this blog, I will document my journey.  When the stars are changed, you will be the first to know.  So, won’t you come on this journey with me?  I wish to share it with you.  Who knows, maybe you will become inspired to test your faith.  Maybe you will change your stars, too…

Blessings and faith,

Summer